Maybe 2021 isn’t your year. That’s understandable.
Fortunately, December marks that last month of the year which means we’ve come closer than ever to 2022 and the new year often presents the new beautiful beginnings for many.
This time of the year is my most favorite and I think many of us favorite where there are happy festive vibes, nice weather, cheerful gifts giving, crazy sales promotion, creativity with holiday decorations, seeing the smiles on others faces when they get to have vacation, and gathering.
It’s beautiful, isn’t it?
While it’s exciting to close the year and get ready for the new year, it was also the reason I secretly feared of arriving close to enter the new opening.
Let me tell you more.
In my personal experience, I’d set countless goals over the years; I achieved some, fell short at others, and exceeded a few. Yet I also lived with constant, low-level anxiety about my ability to meet my own expectations.
Another year gone, time passed, almost none of my goals and resolutions was accomplished or something great also happened but not in the way I truly wanted.
Underneath my excitement and unconscious overspending on gifts to others and myself, I never felt truly complete and happy for the new year to come.
It’s tragic when time keeps moving on but we don’t want to move along.
We want to freeze the time so we can work on the those goals we failed to achieve.
When motherhood came to reality, I strangely felt right to call it a quit—setting goals.
I spent the early pandemic pregnant as a first-time mom.
Could you imagine the level of anxiety, and stress?
I reached out to many outside resources like books, podcasts to cope with anxiety, and stress of motherhood and COVID.
I was blessed that I could make it to give birth safely to a healthy boy.
The day he was born, was the day my life changed.
The moment a woman gives birth, she simultaneously loses everything and gains everything.
The losing part was way clearer than the gaining part because something was not right on the inside.
I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t name it.
It’s invisible to the naked eyes.
But it’s there. All the time.
Which I chose to suppress it because it was part of my survival instinct.
When I became a mother at the point where my inner issues remained unhealed, I was struggling even more inside. I never really faced or acknowledged that I was sad because when we’re struggling to make ends meet, we don’t think about ourselves anymore, there’s no time to think about how we feel, there’s no time to think about us, no time to worry about our personal interests, no time to think about our mental health. All those years I put my personal feelings aside away in order to make room for others, at this point is for my child specially. I realized that I’m what they call a person with high functioning anxiety because while from the outside I was still fulfilling my duties as a mother, I wasn’t missing a beat at all. I just kept going but as soon as the doors of my room closed I was a different person. The thoughts, the doubts, the worries in my head were louder than the cheers. I felt so alone. I realized that all of the things that I didn’t get to address when I was younger came back to me in a big and harmful way, I can’t escape it no matter how gifted my life has become. It was like a poison slowly killing me inside. So I kept it all to myself even though I was slowly deteriorating inside because I couldn’t imagine disappointing others. Imagine being celebrated as a strong, resilient, and determined woman but deep inside you’re going through that. I felt ashamed like a fraud.
That was nasty enough for me to go through. I was too tired to do and think of anything else. But once in a while I think of my goals and when that happened I felt very sorry for myself and that just worsened my situation. Thus, with my spirit of explorer, I said to myself: “Let just break up with goal setting for this very first time, and see how it will turn out to be. I’m very sick of having goals that never achieved and having goals that freak the hell out of me. Maybe motherhood is an invitation for me to be brave to try it out.”
I started wondering what would happen if I gave up the practice of setting goals.
Thankfully, months of deep inner work helped me realize that it’s not the matter of setting goals but the dysfunctional approaches we choose that screw up our process of working toward our goals.
With the help of a coach, I saw that the struggles I experienced were the proofs that it isn’t about the person (me), it’s about the disempowered pattern, the limiting beliefs that I adopted them unconsciously.
They were growing fears, anxiety, and suffering that made my process unpleasant, unfulfilled. WOW! Finally it’s uncovered.
I’m sitting in the balcony of my room writing this article for you with absolute emotional and mental freedom, with my pure wholehearted choice, consciousness, and grace while people in my family are leaving for their trips. With my inner issues in the past, I would feel sorry for myself and get resentful when seeing other people are having fun while I was stuck at home with my bundle of sadness.
Or when I happened to have a trip which was supposed to be fun and happy, I brought my inner issues along and the holiday didn’t feel like holiday.
This year for the first time in my life, I’ve seen myself enjoying my progress, and entering the next chapter gracefully, complete and fulfilled. This month last year, I was in the middle of nowhere. I severely struggled with postpartum depression, three months after giving birth to my son. Then I had the courage to reveal that I was not okay and I needed a true trusted coach to help me.
My husband is not a mom, he can't help me to be a mom neither a healed mom. My coach challenged me to declare my desires with the chuckle in my throat, finally I dared to roll it out of my tongue: 1) from Feeling helpless with no space for myself to Accepting help to make space for myself and my passion
2) from Feeling useless without a sense of achievement to Begin to turn my gift and passion into sustainable, meaningful work
3) from Low self-esteem to Having the confidence and courage to share my light with others
"How dare you set these goals, you're a mom now for God's sake?" the voice of shame spoke in my head.
I blessed the shame in me and went on doing it afraid.
I’m humbly telling you that all these intentions above have come to realities and even exceeded I make happy money from home at the freedom of when, how and who I want to work with, and I can go snuggle my baby whenever I want.
It wasn’t easy, I went through a lot and I learned in the hard ways.
There were a few things I wished someone had told me, especially about working toward our desires or our goals.
So here are the 5 things I know now about working toward our goals that I never knew.
I hope these lessons help you not only meeting your goals but also to help you experience true lasting joy and fulfillment.
1. Focus on healing the inner issues first instead of being stressed only about outer issues
None of your goals accomplished or accomplished but in the harmful ways if there is any dysfunction, inner conflict, limiting belief in you sabotaging you. What is the constant voice or story you hear in your head? Is it a voice of fear, doubt, resentment, shame, guilt, critic, anger? Turn inward. Here’s the cold hard truth: We create our life, including all of its problems, our life current challenges whether it is in relationship, career, biz, motherhood … are actually the manifestation and reflection of our own inner issues. The same person, if we stay the same, we cannot create a different life.
Many times when we are unsatisfied with something in our lives, we jump right off to change our outer circumstances. Like unhappy with your job, you quit your job. But because we always carry the issues within us, wherever we go we end up experiencing the same problems. I’ve seen people who jump from job to job for years, always have the same problem.
The key here is that we need to become a different person in order to create a different life. So that you can become the transformed person who can create the transformed life that you truly desire.
2. Have the inspiring goals Make sure your goals are dynamic, that is to say, point toward an activity that you are engaged in and through which you are connected to other human beings as well as the whole. It’s the goal that makes your heart dance and your soul flourished, that excites you to jump out of bed every morning. Goal that aligns with your consciousness, true self, and authenticity. Not egoic kind of goal. The necessity to have inspiring goals it empowers us to find reasons to keep showing up despite struggles, and fears. Because only the goal that means true to us and beyond just making a living but the goal that create beautiful impacts to the world and to ourselves. 3. Focus on the process, be patient and unconcerned about the goals It’s about putting absolute devotion in the process without being concerned whether or not reaching the goals which makes me become open and willing to do my best, to learn, to make mistakes and to be imperfect. It’s to seek for the best of you. It’s to be clear on your own responsibility to turn things around in the present moment. Put your absolute devotion (intense focus) in the process of the present moment, not the goal. Then it leads you to significant results. All those great works we recognize in the world don’t just coincidentally happen. Great results needs to be consciously created, with intentional efforts, absolute focus and patience in the Now process. Why the whole world are watching World Cup? Because it’s beyond just watching players kicking the ball, it’s to watch and experience the ways that the players put their absolute devotion in the process from months of intense training. When I write, I just put myself all in, focus on only how I find the best out of me to share my message authentically. I don’t concern about the number of likes or views after it’s published. Only that way I can have fun while embracing my imperfections which makes my work meaningful that touches hearts. Be willing to take small steps, appreciate the little progress you make each day to the edge of best effort. Gifts will be shown to you.
4. Release the idea of “I still have plenty of time left.”
To do our best is to be aware that our time is limited, that's the truth.
When we choose not to do our best is because we think we have plenty of time left- plenty of time to waste, to not be committed now, to not take charge of our lives.
However, there’s no guarantee about the ‘future’ only the ‘present’.
That if we do our best Now, the Next moment is assured.
If we mess up the now, the next moment is sure thing. vice versa
This happened when I was younger, I believed I’m still young, no need to be serious, committed to figure my life out now.
Then that first 20+ of my life, I never lived fully authentically where I struggled with untrue happiness and unfulfillment.
I wish I didn’t do that. I would be truly happy, know my true self and have my life figured out, then I could have started my coaching business earlier.
You see? This is how one disempowered belief creates ripple affects.
5. Practice courage
Courage is a huge theme in my life.
I don’t think that makes me unique.
Everyone wants to be brave.
Everyone wants betterment.
Working toward true meaningful life, we always find ourselves afraid. Therefore, we need to be brave to do it afraid which sometimes we can disappoint others. I owe this sentence to my dearest coach Milena Nguyen: “Our loved ones are strong enough to deal with disappointment.
And the right person will continue to love you no matter what.”
My parent always insisted me to have a government service job which I strongly rejected because it was clear to me that I’m made for that kind of job.
They were disappointed.
Later, they insisted me again to join them building their business. I rejected again.
They got disappointed again.
I see that it takes courage to disappoint others especially our loved ones, as we know that our choice is the truest choice that means good to us.
And if the disappointment made out of consciousness, it means good to us all.
If I agreed to accept all the orders of my parents, what does it really mean?
It means I trade in my authenticity for their approval, to be loved , to be accepted because I’m afraid of disappoint them, to let them down.
If so, it means I hand my life for somebody else to drive.
Would we be truly happy experiencing life that way?
I’m grateful for myself that I chose courage to be free. true.
It was very uncomfortable. But I didn’t die. And guess what, they are strong enough to move on and continue to support me in the way they can.
For all the beautiful possibilities I've experienced like hiring a coach who can help me sustainably change my life are primarily resulted by ‘the courage’ I have despite fears and doubts.
If you are that high functioning individuals like me who look like they got their lives figured out, who look like they’re okay on the outside could also be going through sth inside that they’re too afraid to share because they don’t want to let you down or they don’t want to disappoint whoever you are, whatever you’ve been through, you are not alone.
It’s been 15 months of my motherhood journey, I want to reflect on this question:
"How do I choose to show up for myself, my loved ones and community?"
My answer is: I still choose Me to stay true and free that regardless of the struggles, imperfections, and missteps. I choose to give to other without beating myself up, be generous to myself as much as to others.
Stay true to yourself and to your purpose. I hope you do it with all your whole healing heart.
No matter the struggle, you are born for the journey of becoming and evolution.
I’m proud of you for walking the path this far and I’m here cheering you on and sending love from my heart.
Love,
Rothkeo
P.S: GET MY SUPPORT TO START INNER CHANGE TO OUTER CHANGES
If you want deeper support to reconnect your true self back and show up for your dream, here’s an incredible opportunity. I’m looking for a new client whose courage is bigger than her fear to truly love herself back so she can experience true lasting joy and fulfillment in her life and motherhood. Is that you?
To explore this opportunity, apply for a Complimentary Clarity Session with me.
This is a chance for you to get radical clarity on your unique challenges, goals, and roadmap to transformation. It will be my honor to support you.
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